


The Life Marker Program

by rayraycash



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anger Management, Louis thinks hes a top but really he isn't, M/M, Top!Harry, art nerd!harry, football player!louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2017-12-28 22:52:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/997861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayraycash/pseuds/rayraycash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’d blown up in one of my classes at the beginning of last school year and threw a brand new Mac computer across the room.  The school board told my parents that I was to attend mandatory therapy for anger management until I was cleared or face immediate expulsion.  Dr. Miranda Giles was brought up and I was quickly started in her ‘Life Marker’ program.</p><p>.....or.....</p><p>the story of how Harry Styles tames an actual beast</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't completed... I'm not sure why I'm doing this to myself, but I am. I absolutely loved the idea of this story but lost motivation somewhere along the way. Is this worth continuing? I just can't be sure. I usually hate High School AUs but apparently this is an exception.
> 
> Just a warning, I'm also American so if I write something not British it's because I'm not British...

“I think it would be a good thing for you to come out. I think you’re ready for that step,” Dr. Giles spoke in an even tone, like she did when she knew she was saying something I wouldn’t like.

“Is that the next marker?” I asked, turning my head on the leather couch to look at her, perched behind her desk.

“Yeah, I think it is,” she spoke more confidently, “I think it might be a trigger to all this aggression you have.”

“So all I have to do this month is tell the world I’m gay. That’s it, and next month I’ll get a new marker?” I clarified.

Dr. Giles was a shrink after all. She was all about loopholes, something I’d discovered months back.

I’d been coming to see her twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday to be exact, for about a year now. I’d blown up in one of my classes at the beginning of last school year and threw a brand new Mac computer across the room. The school board told my parents that I was to attend mandatory therapy for anger management until I was cleared or face immediate expulsion. Dr. Miranda Giles was brought up and I was quickly started in her ‘Life Marker’ program.

Every month she gives me a new ‘marker’ to accomplish. If I fail, I have to do it again for the next month until I finally get it right. She makes this shit up as she goes apparently, because I don’t think ‘coming out’ would be a routine marker for the average anger management patient. She also refuses to tell me how many markers there are, which makes me think this little ‘program’ of hers is one big experiment and I’m the first guinea pig.

“We’ll have to talk about your progress, of course, but yes. All you have to do is come out and discuss how it makes you feel, and I’ll pass you to next month,” she responded.

“What if I’m not ready to do that?” I questioned her.

One of her perfectly plucked eyebrows rose at my statement. She leaned down and scribbled something out on my file notebook. She then looked at me again.

“Do you feel like you aren’t ready?” she asked now, “You’ve stated before how you want to come out.”

I rolled my head back over to stare at the ceiling and sighed. She always seemed to trap me in these situations.

“I’m the captain of the football team this year,” I spoke.

“I know, you’ve told me about that. Do you feel like you’ll lose that position if everyone finds out that you’re gay?” she was trying to lead me through the question, like always.

“No, I’ll beat the shit out of…”

“Louis,” her warning tone made me chuckle.

“Sorry. What I meant was, I can take care of the homophobes. I’m not worried about that, it’s just…” I thought of the best way to phrase my next sentence, “football captains aren’t gay.”

“Will you use the correct wording for that, please?”

“I don’t believe that most football captains are gay,” I recited in a monotone voice.

She always made me say things like that. Something about making sure I knew the difference between a stereotype and a fact.

“Thank you,” she replied and I heard her writing some more, “Now, I don’t understand what your aversion is to coming out then. You stated that you could deal with any potential opposition you would face, so why don’t you want to come out?”

“Because people fear me, and that’s the way I like it. If I tell everybody I like men, they might not be scared anymore,” I confessed, not being able to look over at her.

I knew exactly what she was going to say before the words left her mouth. She sighed deeply and I heard the pen drop against the desk.

“Our goal here is to help you get better. With that comes making friends, not followers. Remember, that was one of your first markers.”

“Yeah, I remember,” I rolled my eyes.

I’d managed to make two friends in a month’s time. Mainly because I couldn’t stand to hear anyone else talk for longer than two seconds. The two guys were Liam and Niall, football players. They were really the only people I ever went out of my way to speak with, and it was mainly so that I could tell Dr. Giles about their lives, to prove our friendship.

“Well, maybe it’ll be good for you to not be feared. You may be missing out on a lot, you know,” I couldn’t keep my eyes from rolling again as she spoke.

“Alright, I get it. I’ll come out,” I sighed.

“I don’t want to push you into something you aren’t ready for, Louis, but I really do think this will help you. Maybe you should do it in steps. Try coming out to your family first then move on to school,” she suggested.

“That sounds like it might take longer than a month,” I smirked and rolled my head back to look at her, “Are you running out of markers for me, Dr. Giles?”

I saw the corners of her mouth begin to turn up into a smile and her eyes squint slightly.

“I’ve got a whole file cabinet full of marker suggestions for you, Louis. I won’t be running out anytime soon,” she teased back and I let the smile spread across my face before turning to stare at the ceiling again.

“Any idea how long it’s going to take for me to graduate from your program?” I asked, still smiling.

“That’s all up to you,” she told me and I heard her close the notebook.

That’s my cue. I stood from the couch and walked over to the desk. She smiled brightly at me and handed me the very familiar piece of green paper. I glanced at it, seeing big bold letters at the top that read, ‘Marker 9: Come Out’. Below it were a few short paragraphs with ‘questions to think about’.

“You do know my Mum looks at these,” I stated, waving it abstractly in the air.

“I am aware.”

“So if I just hand her this does that count as me coming out?”

“The discussion that follows will be what counts.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see you Tuesday to discuss how it goes,” I spoke with mock excitement as I walked to the door.

“Have a good weekend, Louis,” she called out after me and I only nodded as I stepped through the large wooden door, into the waiting area.


	2. Chapter 2

As I predicted, Mum asked to see my new marker the moment I walked in the door. She was in the middle of making dinner, pots and pans bubbled and hissed on the stove. I almost hesitated before handing it to her. She’d most likely get worked up about this and that’s the last thing she needs while cooking dinner.

However, I changed my mind when Dad followed me in from the garage and sat at the table, expectantly waiting for me to reveal the words on my new green paper. Rarely did he ever involve himself in this kind of affair.

I reached out and handed her my new assignment that I’d been folding and unfolding the entire car ride home. It only took a moment for her to gasp and snap her gaze from the paper to me. I brought my hand up to rub the back of my neck, nervous about what was to come now.

She silently handed the green paper to dad without letting her gaze break from my face. I saw him in my peripheries read the bold lettering at the top then slowly put the abused paper on the table.

“Well, Louis, is there anything you’d like to tell us?” he asked in the same calm tone he approached every problem with.

“I- uh… I’m gay,” I stated with a slight question in my voice.

Mum gasped again and clutched her chest as if she was in pain. It was like a three way staring match as we all remained silent, eyes flashing back and forth between one another, waiting for something to break us from the tense atmosphere.

Immediately I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to take back telling anyone the secret I’d harbored for so long. Dr. Giles had squeezed the truth from me months ago and I couldn’t help but resent her for that in this moment. Yeah, I could take the little pricks at school, but my family was a different thing.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized when no one said anything for what felt like hours.

I brought my head down and stared at the ground, watching Mum’s feet. I bit my lower lip, gaining a comfort in the small gesture that I desperately needed. I heard Dad take a deep breath and saw Mum’s feet step forward cautiously. 

It only took a few seconds for her arms to wrap completely around me, encircling me in an embrace I was terrified I’d lost. She rubbed my back and squeezed me into her before pulling back and meeting my gaze.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for. It’ll take some getting used to, but…” she took a deep breath now and a forced smile crept onto her cheeks, “it’s for the better.”

She was trying, she really was, but I could tell this didn’t sit well with her. I knew it wouldn’t, but at least she wasn’t throwing me out… yet.

I glanced over and saw that my dad was staring off, concentrating on something in his mind. He nodded slightly to himself, as if solidifying a decision he’d just made internally. He rose from his chair and walked over to where Mum was still clinging to me tightly. She stepped back when she noticed his presence and he slapped a fatherly hand on my shoulder and gestured for me to follow him.

Mum immediately turned back to the dinner she’d been neglecting as Dad and I walked down the hallway to his in-home office.

It was cooler in here than the rest of the house. I felt a shiver run up my spin when I stepped into the cold room and shut the door behind me. Dad sat behind his desk and nodded towards the chair across from it.

As I sat, memories of this office flooded my mind. Growing up I’d always sit in here with Dad for hours, playing racecars and dinosaurs along the arms of this old chair. Dad called it ‘man time’ anytime I’d sneak in to join him. Being the only boy with four sisters was annoying most days. The neighborhood was mainly comprised of older generations, so there weren’t many kids. It was nice to get away from the tea parties and dress up dolls in the sanctuary of Dad’s office.

Now though, all feelings of safety and homeliness were gone. He’d brought me here to talk out of the earshot of the rest of the family. That could only mean he was upset about this new discovery.

“How long have you known?” was his first question.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried my best to look bored, but truthfully, I was terrified. What if he threw me out? What if he cut me off? What would I do?

“Drop the act Louis. I believe this teenage rebellion phase has lasted long enough. Tell me how long you’ve known,” he commanded.

I could feel myself shrinking back into the little boy that used to sit in this very same spot. The boy who’s scared of his Dad’s anger and doesn’t like to be the cause of it.

“A few years,” I mumbled.

“And you decide that now is the time to share?”

“I didn’t decide anything. It’s a marker,” I pointed out.

He was silent for a few seconds then sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. I bit my lower lip again, waiting for some kind of explosion that I was positive would come.

“I can’t say I support this lifestyle,” he finally let out and looked me dead in the eye.

I felt my heart break a little as I processed his words. What did that mean for me?

“But, you’re my son, and that will always come first,” he continued and I let out a breath I’d been holding, “Don’t expect me to be excited when you come home one day holding hands with a little fairy claiming to be in love,” he finished with a chuckle.

I laughed too, because I was relieved and because I can’t imagine myself ever liking someone enough to bring them home.

“I can guarantee that won’t happen,” I chuckled and rubbed the back of my neck.

“Good, I already have to deal with Lottie and Fizzy bringing boys home, I don’t want to have to worry about you too.”

I let out a breathy laugh and relaxed into the chair.

As much as I hated to admit it, knowing that my parents were okay with this did make me feel slightly better. I felt liberated. So maybe Dr. Giles was onto something. Maybe this would fix the anger management issues.

Only time would tell I suppose.

“Mum says dinner’s ready!” Lottie’s voice shouted through the thick wooden door, distorting only a little before reaching our ears.

“We’ll be right out!” Dad called back and I heard feet scurry away down the hall.

Now Dad looked at me with a pensive expression before leaning forward.

“When are you going to tell the team?” he asked.

“Tomorrow. No sense in putting it off, I suppose,” I answered easily, because I really don’t give a fuck about what they thought.

“Good luck with Coach. You may want to warn him first,” he laughed at something I wasn’t aware of.

“Nah, I’ll just give everybody a big surprise,” I smirked at my dad and he only shook his head before standing up.

“Let’s go to dinner,” he laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still kind of short, but whatever. I'm working on making chapters longer. It's a real struggle sometimes... 
> 
> I love comments! Don't be shy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while... I'm probably overdoing myself trying to write two fics at once. Oh well, we'll see where this goes.

“So yeah, I’m gay,” I told everyone the next day at the end of practice.

We were all sitting around in the locker room, having just showered and dressed. Everyone was silent for a few seconds, shocked by my news.

“Old Tommo’s a fag? Who would’ve thought?” Stan, a guy I couldn’t particularly stand, smirked from beside Liam.

I saw Liam visibly shift away from him, along with the other boys around him.

“I’ll kick your ass if I ever hear you say that word again,” I walked threateningly closer to him.

It was no secret to the school that I had anger issues and the people who witnessed those issues most were the football team. I don’t know how much damage I’ve dealt to the equipment over the years when I’d get angry. I held the record in our league for most intentional fouls on players during games and I honestly couldn’t say any of those calls were untrue.

“I- I didn’t mean it like that Louis,” he tried to cover himself.

I took another step closer to him and pulled him towards me by the collar of his shirt. Our faces were centimeters apart when I growled at him.

“Gay or not, I can still kill you with my bare hands,” I pushed him away from me now.

He stumbled back into some of our teammates before catching his balance again.

“That’s goes for all of you fuckers, and don’t start acting shitty like fucking idiots either. None of your asses are even a little bit attractive, and I don’t do bottom,” I laughed a little to myself at the end of my sentence when I saw my team cringe, “Now go the fuck home!”

The team immediately began hustling around the room collecting their things and getting out. Liam and Niall both lingered until I’d collected my own things.

“That’s pretty brave ‘a you, Mate,” Liam commented, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Just a marker thing. It would’ve happened eventually,” I replied coolly as I led them from the locker room.

“But still, that’s pretty cool,” Niall cut in.

An awkward silence hung over us for a few moments, like neither of them knew what to say to me. Then Niall coughed slightly and took the silence to a whole new awkward level.

“If you don’t like this then you can get the fuck out. I don’t care,” I snarled now, assuming this new, strange tension was because of my big reveal.

“No, it’s just. I don’t know, you’re the last person I would expect this from,” Liam cut in now.

“Why? Because I don’t look like your typical fairy?” I snapped.

Liam flinched away from me but Niall seemed unaffected. Damn him.

“Because you’ve never so much as talked about a guy, ever,” Liam defended himself with a little less certainty this time.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Friends. I needed to keep friends. That really isn’t a marker I ever want to repeat. It was hard enough the first time.

“Maybe I just haven’t found anyone that’s worth my time?”

“Well I still think this is cool. We’ve got a gay footie captain. We’re like, diverse and shit. I like it,” Niall says in that no fucks given tone of voice. Sometimes he’s my favorite human.

I was about to respond but before I could I heard a loud, obnoxious laugh tear though the air around us. I looked away from Niall to see two boys sitting on a bench under the giant tree by the parking lot.

Zayn Malik was one of the boys. He had a cigarette in his hand, blowing out smoke as he laughed. He wasn’t the one who’d torn me from my train of thought though. I couldn’t give two shits about Zayn Malik. The boy sitting next to him though, well, I could probably give three shits about him.

The boy didn’t look familiar. I questioned myself for a second before realizing, no, I’d recognize his face if I’d seen it before. His jaw line was sharply defined, but his face still had a round, boyish quality. He had an American flag bandana tied around his head, pushing messy curls from his face. He was wearing the standard khaki pants, white button up, navy blazer, and striped tie, but he looked dirty, like hasn’t showered in a week, dirty. The mix of clean, pressed clothes and filthy body was all very strangely attractive.

“Keep it down Malik. We’re trying to have a conversation,” I yelled across the short distance.

Both Zayn and his friend looked up at me, Zayn with amusement and his friend with worry.

“We’ll do what we damn well please, Tomlinson,” Zayn said with the smallest hint of a smirk on his face.

“You know you don’t want to mess with me,” I threatened, trying to sound at least a little scary. I didn’t succeed though, because Zayn laughed full out this time.

Zayn Malik was the one person at this school that wasn’t terrified of me. He laughed off every threat and winked at me before whispering, ‘ _kinky_ ’ when I’d push him around. He would always just take everything I did or said as some big joke. I hated it. It was annoying and frustrating, and people like Zayn Malik aren’t worth my time, but he wouldn’t stop being so damn different and interesting.

He’d been doing it for years, ever since we were 13. Then when we were 16 I finally drug him with me to a back alley intending to beat the shit out of him, but we ended up fucking instead.

So yeah, my whole self-discovery story is a bit fucked up and involves a fucking theatre club, pot head, twat. I guess it could be worse.

“I hear you’ve come out the closet, eh? Feel nice?” Zayn asked, completely ignoring my threat and changing the subject.

“What’s it to you?” I snarled back at him.

He took a long drag on his cigarette before blowing out the smoke into the sky and handing the rest off to his friend who was still looking a little scared by the whole encounter.

“This here’s Harry. He just transferred. Been studying at a boarding school in America his whole life,” Zayn introduced his friend now, once again ignoring my previous statement and changing the subject.

“I don’t give a damn about your new slag, Malik,” I growled letting my bag fall off my shoulder as I took a step forward.

“Shame, he really likes getting off behind the bleachers during lunch.”

This made Harry laugh again, loud and obnoxious and unapologetic. He laughed like he didn’t have a care in the world. I suppose that’s how things are in America.

I looked over at him as he started to quiet himself by taking a long drag on Zayn’s cigarette. I made eye contact with him as he blew the smoke from his mouth with a smirk. He very obviously looked me up and down, eyes slowly examining every piece of me until they finally connected with mine again.

“I always did like footie players.”

I felt myself suck in a breath of shock after hearing his voice. It was so low and slow, like he was taking his time, saying every word with the same intensity his eyes had held as he’d studied my body. The accent was what got me more than anything. It was English, and posh. More clear and precise than I expected from a boy who’d been in America most his life.

“That’s a damn shame, because I’m the only gay footie player here, and I don’t touch trash,” I growled back and turned to pick up my bag.

Harry and Zayn laughed again as I walked away from them and towards the parking lot. Niall and Liam’s cars were parked right next to mine on the front row of the student lot.

It wasn’t until we were at our cars and loading our practice gear into the backs did Niall speak up about what had just happened.

“So you fucked Zayn Malik,” he stated, not asked, but stated.

“Yeah. A few times,” I responded, slamming the back closed.

“Are you going to again?” This time Niall asked.

“If I feel like it. He’s a bit mouthy, though. Thinks he’s the shit.”

“He kind of is with all those art freaks,” Niall informed me and I grumbled again.

“Those people don’t matter.”

“Whatever you say captain.”

I ignored the slight smile I heard in Niall’s voice in favor of slamming the door shut on my car before tearing out of the lot. When I zoomed past Zayn and Harry, still sitting on the bench smoking, they both gave me a big smile and a wave. I glared at them for a moment before slamming the gas and speeding home.


	4. Chapter 4

The next Tuesday at school I saw Harry again. He was sitting outside of the library as I was passing to my next class. He looked clean this time, no subtle sheen of dirt on him, and he’d lost the bandana, probably because of uniform regulations. His hair was pushed back to the right, making a weird swoop, but it was still curled. It was an odd mix of a bunch of things that somehow translated to attractive. I hated it.

Niall was with me, chattering away about something stupid while I pretended to listen. Harry didn’t look up as we approached so I swung my leg out and knocked my foot straight into his shin when he was in range.

The people around us seemed to stop and stare as Harry recoiled a little, not nearly as much as he should have, and turned to look up at me.

“Ah, you again. Is this how you welcome all the new students?” Harry asked in that low, deep drawl. A hint of a smirk was pulling on his lips as he let his eyes wander over me again.

I glared at him, angry that he’d completely deflected my obvious “you are not wanted here” message. Niall beside me took a deep breath and nudged my arm gently in the direction we were going. I took the hint, yanking my arm out of Niall’s touch and sending one last glare Harry’s way before turning completely.

“Nice arse, by the way!” I heard Harry shout when I was a few meters away, laugh evident in his voice.

I snapped then, turning and practically sprinting back to him. I let out an angry growl as I pulled my arm back, ready to swing. I threw myself forward into the hit, but before I could realize what was happening Harry grabbed my arm and twisted me, pulling both my arms back where he held them with one hand. His other hand was wrapped around my chest, circling up to grab hold of my jaw, forcing me to turn my head to the side.

I struggled to get free but Harry was a lot bigger than me, and stronger. He held me tightly and squeezed my jaw when I tried to thrash around.

“Unless you’re coming at me to suck my dick, I suggest you don’t try to touch me again,” Harry whispered harshly into my ear when he’d stopped all my movements.

“Get off me,” I growled and he laughed.

I felt him press a kiss to the side of my head before he pushed me forward into Niall’s waiting hands, “You’re a feisty little thing, aren’t you?”

I could feel everyone in the hallway staring at us as I got my balance back and pushed myself away from Niall. I was seething. I could feel the angry heat rolling out of my pores as I glared at this new kid. What makes him think he can just do whatever the fuck he wants?

“Don’t you dare touch me again,” I growled taking a step forward.

Harry just smiled at me, dimples proudly showing. He didn’t even look a little scared. Damn him.

“Or what?” he taunted.

I didn’t justify him with an answer, only turned and stalked away to my class. Niall followed instantly and started talking again as if he’d never stopped in the first place. He was trying to distract me, obviously, but even his voice didn’t stop me from hearing Harry’s last call.

“See you around, Lou Bear!”

 

“He’s ridiculous! He thinks he can just come to _my_ school and push _me_ around and harass me in _my own_ hallways!” I shouted to Dr. Giles in my session that afternoon.

I was pacing today instead of lying on the couch. My encounter with Harry had gotten to me. I’d spent the rest of the day shouting at random passerby’s and I’d even knocked a kids lunch tray out of his hands when he walked by me. I’d been sent to the office, obviously, and they had contacted Dr. Giles, as they always do, with my behavior. It was the first thing she asked me about when I walked in.

“Do you suppose that is how other people feel when you push them around?” She asked, scribbling something down in my file notebook.

“I’ve never hurt anyone!” I defended myself, snapping to face her.

“You knocked a boy’s lunch out of his hands today,” she pointed out and I glared at her.

“Why are you taking his side?”

“I’m not taking a side Louis, I think this is good. You’ve never had someone challenge you physically before. It’s a good experience to have,” she pointed out.

I plopped down on the couch but continued staring at her.

“So you’re saying that him molesting me at school is a good thing?” I countered and Dr. Giles shook her head with a laugh.

“I think it’s good that there is someone in that school that isn’t afraid of you. You should get to know him. He could be a good potential friend.”

I cringed at the thought of that. Harry what’s his name would never be a friend of mine. I had two, and that’s all I needed.

“Well, why don’t you tell me how the marker is going? Have you made much progress?” she effectively switched the subject as she scribbled more.

“I’ve told everyone. I’m already done with that marker,” I stated proudly and she lifted an eyebrow at me.

“How does it feel?”

“Like I’ve released a cage of butterflies into the wilderness,” I replied sarcastically.

She scribbled furiously on the paper at that, not even able to ask another question until she was finished.

“What about this marker is making you uncomfortable?” She questioned now, perfectly plucked eyebrows raised slightly, pen poised for more scribbling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated stubbornly, turning away from her to stare at another wall.

She let out a sigh now and I heard her place the pen on the notebook. I spared a glance back to her and saw that she was clutching the bridge of her nose, eyes squeezed shut.

“You do know that if you aren’t cleared before the end of term you’ll be expelled, right?” she asked, a little more aggressively than her usual demeanor.

“I’m aware,” I snapped back.

“Louis, we won’t get anywhere if you won’t tell me what you’re feeling. It’s been a little under a year now that you’ve been coming to see me. Why can’t you tell me how you’re feeling?”

She’d lost the edge to her voice, but I could tell it was a great strain on her part. I balled my fists up and turned to look at her. I didn’t say anything, but I glared, and she stared back indifferently. It was probably the most frustrating experience of my life.

After what felt like hours of glaring at her unchanging face, Dr. Giles’ face softened. She looked down to the notebook and picked her pen up again.

“Why are you scared, Louis? What is so terrifying that you can’t tell me how you feel?”

I felt my glare start to dissipate now. She’d always been able to pinpoint emotions that I couldn’t identify myself. It’s how she got me to confess my sexuality in the first place.

“A guy in the gym tried to take my locker today,” I stated.

I knew it didn’t make much sense, but Dr. Giles didn’t look confused at all. She just looked patient, like she knew I would explain everything. She always looked like that.

“He thought he could take my locker. I’ve used that same locker every year and he thought…” I trailed off, realizing my fists were turning white from how I was clenching them. I took a deep breath and relaxed my shoulders.

“Do you think this happened because you told everyone that you’re gay?” she questioned and I shook my head.

“It’s because of that stupid twat. He catches me off guard once and suddenly everyone thinks they can do whatever they want,” I growled out through a clenched jaw.

“How did you handle it?” Dr. Giles questioned with a bit of fear edging on her tone.

“I beat the shit out of him.”

I looked up at her now to see that the fear in her tone was all over her face. It wasn’t the first time that she’d acted scared of me, but it didn’t happen often enough for me to be used to it. I felt guilty every time I saw that look on Dr. Giles. It felt the same when I scared my sisters or my mum.

“I wasn’t informed of that,” she spoke shakily now, obviously trying to hide her fear.

I unclenched my hand and relaxed myself, trying to look harmless. I wasn’t going to hurt her; she didn’t deserve to be scared.

“He knows better than to tell anyone,” I whispered truthfully.

I’d never felt ashamed of my habit before, but it was different today, like I’d become more aware of what I was doing. It was all that stupid twat, Harry’s, fault. 

“How many times have you hurt people who didn’t get help?”

“I don’t know.”

“Louis, this is bad,” she leveled me with a look and I cringed.

“Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so patient and for all the lovely comments! I realize that Harry is kind of out of character in this one, but hey, everyone's pretty out of character, so whatever. Don't worry, Harry's a big softie under all those smirks and muscles! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Leave a comment if you like! I love reading them!


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn’t hard for me to realize that I was being followed after my confession to Dr. Giles. Well, not really followed, no one person was watching me, but I still felt suffocated. I was no longer allowed in locker rooms without an adult present, so I would have to wait until everyone cleared out before I could go in and change myself. I also noticed that professors would wait outside of their classrooms in transition when they’d never used to. They watched me walk, I could feel them all staring.

It all felt like some sort of invasion of privacy, but I couldn’t really complain. At least I hadn’t been expelled. 

It was actually surprising to me that they hadn’t chucked me to the curb the moment they found out I’ve been beating the living shit out of people as a past time. I suppose when a dad is desperate for his kids to go to a school even the most prestigious academies will name a price.

It was on one of my supervised strolls to class that I ran into Harry again. I was alone this time, though I’m not sure if that made things better or worse.

“Lou Bear!” he shouted the moment he saw me trudging down the hallway.

I didn’t say anything to him, just kept walking. He fell into step beside me though, still grinning. He was carrying an old looking camera in his right hand and had a messenger bag slung across his body.

“You want to be in my art project?” Harry asked suddenly and I was so genuinely surprised that I came to a complete halt in the middle of the hallway and turned to stare at him.

“What?”

“Do you,” he pointed at me in an overly dramatic fashion, “want to be,” he was speaking really slowly and I could feel my blood beginning to boil, “in my art project?” he finished holding the camera up and miming taking a photo.

I only glared at him before turning back to the way I was walking and stalking off. He hopped into action though and easily kept pace. Damn him and his long legs.

“Why are you always so rude?” he asked flat out now.

The depth of his voice and slow drawl made him sound a bit hurt. I wasn’t falling for any of it though.

“You’re the one that attacked me.”

“I didn’t attack you, I was defending myself. There’s a difference,” He responded quickly and I felt myself growl a bit.

“Maybe in America, but here you can’t ju…”

“No, I think that’s a thing here too,” he cut me off with a smirk.

I released a puff of air and stopped in the hall. I pushed my shoulders back and took a step closer to him. Usually that would make people cower away, but he just stood there like I wasn’t even bothering him.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” I shouted jabbing my index finger into his chest.

I could see shuffling in the corner of my eye and knew that someone was already on their way over to break up this whole scene. Honestly I wanted someone to, maybe they’d also keep Harry away from me.

“I’m Harry Styles. I thought we were past the introductions.” His smirk was so smug. He didn’t even move to push my hand away. I wanted to hit him. I really, really, really wanted to hit him.

“Break it up boys.”

I turned to look for where the stern voice came from. It was a Mr. Grange, a history professor. He was a short, Irish man, with a balding head and a rather large belly. He might also be mildly asthmatic by the sound of his heavy breathing at his short walk here. Men like Mr. Grange don’t scare me, and by the looks of it, they don’t scare Harry either.

“There’s nothing going on professor. We’re just chatting,” Harry explained and Mr. Grange sputtered a little.

“I don’t think you understand Mr. Styles. This is for your own safety.”

I turned then, a little bit ashamed, but mostly angry. What the hell did a guy like _Mr. Grange_ know about me? I had tried to hit Harry before, but that had completely failed. Harry wasn’t in any danger as far as I was concerned. I’d already been embarrassed enough by the twat.

“I’m not in any danger,” Harry laughed at the professor, even when he began to sputter a response, “Lou Bear couldn’t hurt a fly.”

I growled when Harry wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into a half hug mockingly. Mr. Grange kept stuttering and spitting and trying to say something, but Harry wasn’t having any of it. He smiled once more and pulled away a bit.

“We were only trying to figure out when we were both free so I can take pictures of him for my art project,” Harry explained innocently and I could practically see the resolve melting off of Mr. Grange’s face. He was just as uncomfortable with this confrontation as I was.

“Well…” He obviously had no idea what to say. He was just kind of awkwardly standing there, looking between us, “carry on then.”

And just like that he was gone and Harry had gone silent. When I turned to look at his face, he was glaring after the retreating form of Mr. Grange. I thought about questioning him, but didn’t get the chance.

“Don’t worry about him, teachers are idiots,” Harry muttered, never taking his glare away.

“I don’t need you to tell me that, and I don’t need your help,” I growled out and pushed Harry away from me.

I started walking away but didn’t make it three steps before he was at my side again.

“Zayn’s told me a lot about you.”

“Malik doesn’t know me,” I muttered, pushing my way through some slower students that were crowding the corridor.

“He knows a lot more than you think. He told me you’re pretty aggressive,” Harry spoke with a laugh behind his words.

“Everyone in this school knows that.”

“Yeah, well he says it’s because you’re actually a big softie but you don’t want to get picked on. I guess I probably did a number on your self-esteem the last time we met, huh?”

I stopped then and turned abruptly to face this _person_ who was completely wrong about everything and had _no right_ to analyze my life. He was smiling like some smug twat that had just figured out a difficult math problem. I really fucking hated him.

“Malik doesn’t know me and neither do you. Don’t try to fucking analyze me like a fucking English novel and back the fuck off!” I was seething by the end of my rant and, to my utter disappointment, Harry was still smug.

“Is fuck your favorite word?”

“ **Fuck** you! Leave me the **fuck** alone and stop **fucking** talking about me to Zayn **fucking** Malik!” I screamed getting as close to his face as possible while jabbing a finger into his chest.

He still looked so smug, like he wasn’t even phased, much less scared. I hated him. I hated him so much and I wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch that damn smirk right off of his face. Who the fuck did he think he was? Who gave him the right to be so damn condescending? Fuck him. Fuck him and his whole damn family.

I turned a stalked away without touching him, because I’d learned a few things in the past couple of days, and one of those was to not start anything in the hallways. I was actually half expecting Harry to follow me, but he didn’t. Instead, as I was walking away I heard his voice ring over the other noise in the hallway, smile very clearly placed on his face.

“I’ll take that as a yes then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More confrontation and more angry Louis. How'd you like it?
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Leave a comment if you like! I love reading them!!!


	6. Chapter 6

It was a week later that I realized I might have a very small thing for Harry Styles. And I’m talking tiny, like almost doesn’t exist because he is a fucking awful human being, but it was still there.

I stayed late after practice to work on a few more drills before heading to the showers. By the time I emerged everyone else was gone so I started walking alone out to my car. The campus was completely silent, in a peaceful way though. I took a moment to breathe in the smell of early autumn in the air. The trees were beginning to change color and the breeze was getting a bit cooler, but I didn’t really mind it. I lived for cold weather. Snuggling in warm scarves and sweaters, curled up beside fireplaces, Christmas. I lived for Christmas. Autumn meant that Christmas was coming.

A distant click snapped me out of my thoughts and had me zipping around to stare at the source. It was Harry Styles. He was hidden behind the lens of that old camera I’d seen him with before. His knuckles were white, gripping onto the side like it was being tugged on and he didn’t want to let it go.

Before I could react he snapped another picture, then another. I blinked, a little shocked that he was so blatantly taking my picture, even when I’d seen him. An unknown feeling bubbled in my stomach and I felt myself blushing and suddenly I was looking down.

I felt weird, and I didn’t like it. More clicks. Harry was still taking pictures. In one last act of preservation, I forced myself to lift my hand closest to him and raise my middle finger, hiding my face away from his view.

“Awww, come on Louis! Those shots were perfect!” he laughed a little as he yelled to me.

“I already told you I don’t want to be in your art project.”

“You never said that,” he corrected me then continued on as he jogged to catch up with me, “besides, you’re perfect for this. I’m making a statement on judgment. You know, a kind of people aren’t always what they seem type thing. I’ve already gotten a few shots of objects and stuff, but I need people.”

“You don’t know me. This is exactly who I am. There’s no other side,” I stated.

I reached my car and threw my bag in the back. When I went to get in the driver’s seat however, Harry was leaning against the door. I folded my arms across my chest and cocked a hip out, waiting not so patiently for him to move.

“Maybe I want to know you though.”

I stepped back a bit now, shocked. Harry was just casually leaning against my car door, fiddling with his camera. He didn’t even look phased by the statement that had me blinking at him in confusion. He was so weird.

“I’m sorry?”

He looked up now to make eye contact with me and smiled a bit.

“I want to know you.”

“Why?”

I hadn’t meant for that to sound so shocked. I hadn’t meant for there to be a bit of hopeful tone hidden in my words, but it was there. It was there, and Harry noticed.

“Because you’re a lot more than this,” he gestured at me vaguely with his hand, “and I like it. Plus everyone else here is shit. Not a single personality in the whole school apart from you.”

The last part was a joke, I knew, but it made my stomach do a little flip. I quickly schooled my features before I did something ridiculous like giggle at him.

“Sorry we brits aren’t as entertaining as Americans,” I responded sarcastically and Harry’s smile lit up his face when he gave a small chuckle.

“Yeah, well I think you’ll be enough to keep my attention.”

He was so obviously flirting that I couldn’t help the light blush that hit my cheeks and began spreading. What is this?

“Are you going to let me go home?” I asked now, eyeing him as he shifted from leaning against the car to standing straight up. 

He brought the camera up again and snapped a quick shot before laughing at me.

“That can’t be good. Delete that one,” I heard myself practically whining. It was so uncharacteristic of me that I had to blink a few times and shake off some odd feelings. Harry didn’t notice.

“Can’t. Not that kind of camera,” Harry smirked as he turned the camera around so that I could see the smooth black surface of the back.

“Who even uses a camera like that anymore?” I retorted and he laughed again.

It was a bit annoying that his reaction to everything I did was to laugh.

“It’s a black and white dark room photography class,” he explained when his laughter had died down.

I flushed a bit more at his teasing and moved forward to get the door. I was out of my element here and I didn’t like it. Harry was weird, and obnoxious, and rude, and I didn’t like him and I wouldn’t take his teasing.

Harry caught my arm though, before I could get the door opened.

“I meant it, yeah? I want to get to know you,” he whispered, suddenly only inches from my own face.

When did he get so close? When did I stop breathing? Have his eyes always been that intense shade of green? And those lips? Have they always looked that red?

“What makes you think I want you to know me?” I tried at a snippy attitude but it came out as more of a gasp for air.

He smiled again at that and I could’ve sworn that my heart skipped a beat. Then, just as quickly as he’d invaded my space, he was gone. I fought the urge to gasp for breath though I felt like I needed it.

“I’ll talk to you later, Lou Bear,” Harry sing-songed as he turned and sauntered off.

I felt like I was caught in some kind of trance as he walked away, like I couldn’t break my stare. His hips swayed slightly as he rocked from foot to foot. Harry was a bit pigeon-toed, I’d never noticed that in our other encounters, but now, with all my attention focused solely on him, it was glaringly obvious.

Harry was half-way across the car park before I shook myself out of his spell. I could feel the waves of embarrassment flooding from my face when I realized I’d just been staring at him for at least a minute. I took a deep breath, spared one last glance at Harry, and threw myself into the car. 

Harry waved to me with a smile as I tore onto the main road.

 

“Are you going to be in his project?” Dr. Giles asked in our session that next day.

She was smiling as she wrote in my journal today, which was pretty unusual. She would normally just write the bad things down.

“I don’t think I really have a choice. He already took the pictures,” I retorted, flopping myself back onto the couch.

I caught a small smirk pulling at the corner of her lips before she schooled her features.

“You always have a choice,” she corrected.

“Yeah, well you don’t know Harry.”

“Calling him by just his first name now?”

A perfectly plucked eyebrow rose as she glanced up at me, barely taking a break from her scribbling.

I felt my cheeks heat up and rolled myself so that I wouldn’t have to look at her, or more so that she couldn’t look at me.

“It’s okay to feel like this Louis. You know that, right?”

Her sincere words made me roll back over. She was giving me a soft smile, like the ones Mum always gives the twins when they do something particularly cute.

“Yeah, I know,” I mumbled back.

“I meant what I said before. He would make a good friend for you.”

“Yeah, if he would quit being a prick…” I grumbled, thinking about how he was always so smug. It was infuriating.

“You don’t sound like you mind much,” she teased.

“I’m only angry when he’s around. I thought you said I should avoid things that make me angry.”

“I’ve never said that,” she laughed a little and I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.

“Well that’s what I heard,” I joked back.

“Well you heard wrong.”

Our soft laughter filled the room up and even after the sounds faded the remaining smile on my lips felt nice. I think that’s the main reason I stopped fighting these meetings. They made me feel good. Almost like Dr. Giles was a friend.

“And in case you need reminding, you should only avoid things that make you angry if you’ve done everything you can to either adjust to it or change it first,” she spoke seriously now, but the smile was still on her face. After a short pause she softly stated, “I don’t think that you’re going to be able to change Harry.”

“No, you’re probably right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's actually been a really rough Holiday Season for me, so that's why I've basically been absent since forever ago. I think this chapter ended up well though. I wrote it maybe 5 different times with 5 completely different directions, but I think I like this one the best. Hopefully you guys like it too! Thanks so much for reading! Your kudos and comments are loved and welcomed!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I've have a tumblr, so if you like, you can follow me there: http://ratchet-stylesxx.tumblr.com/


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